Finding Light in the Garden: A Personal Journey Through Grief, Resilience, and Renewal 🫎❤️🫎

Kia ora from A Deer Cottage - our bed & breakfast in beautiful Kaukapakapa, Auckland, New Zealand 🌿

This month, I’m writing something a little different, and a little more personal. It's not just about the garden, the peaceful paddocks, or the joy of welcoming guests to our special little retreat — it’s about life, loss, resilience, and the tender moments in between.

A few years ago, I lost my bestie to suicide. The grief was immense — it cracked open old wounds, especially the memory of my dearly loved Uncle, who also took his life many years ago, just days after walking me down the aisle at my first wedding. These losses have shaped me in deep and sometimes invisible ways. Over the years, I’ve held space for other cherished people in my life who have faced similar darkness.

Eventually, I sought counselling — something I’d long recommended to others but hadn’t taken up fully for myself. As I started talking, feeling, and unpacking years of coping mechanisms, my counsellor gently suggested we do a depression screening. I was surprised when the results showed I was struggling more than I realised. For the first time, I wasn’t able to find joy in the things that usually light me up — my family, garden, A Deer Cottage, my animals, being creative and, the everyday beauty around me.

I’ve always thought of myself as a positive person. This knocked me for a sixer. I felt like I could manage it on my own… but life has a way of inviting us into deeper connection, especially when we’d rather retreat. A situation came up that meant I needed to share the results of this depression test with those closest to me. It was incredibly hard. But I believe, in the long run, that sharing will bring healing, understanding, and maybe even more love.

I’m sharing all this now because I know I’m not alone. Many of us carry quiet grief. Many of us smile through storms. And many of us just need to hear someone else say, “You’re not alone.”

For years, I’ve practiced mindfulness and guided meditation. I surround myself with kind, generous people who lift me up. And recently, after months of feeling overwhelmed by the state of my garden, I got out there and started again. Two days spent gently weeding around the pond — just me, the birdsong, and the earth beneath my feet.

This pond is special. My bestie dug it — and we laughed often over how it never did hold water! One day, I’ll host a Memorial Service here. It’ll be beautiful. Pieces of the pond area were gifted or built by people who loved him too. That magical Hobbit gate? Two iron bed ends, welded together — a whimsical, heartfelt reminder of the love that still lives here.

I’m still on this journey of resilience and healing. I’ve started reading Rising Strong by Brené Brown, a book that reminds me that vulnerability isn’t weakness — it’s courage in motion.

Just last Friday, I stepped out of my comfort zone and joined a group of beautiful girlfriends to support a breast cancer fundraiser. It reminded me that doing something for others — even something small — can refill our own cups.

So to anyone reading this who might be feeling a little lost, or who knows someone who is struggling — please know: it’s okay to not be okay. Reach out. Share your heart. Breathe through the hard stuff. You are never alone.

With love, kindness, and a promise to keep showing up —Angela 🌸

Angela at Breast Cancer "Pink Drinks Fundraiser"

And if you’re ever staying at A Deer Cottage and need a moment of peace, you’ll find it — in the garden, by the not-so-full pond, inside the Hobbit gate, or simply in the quiet company of nature and kind hearts. If you wish to find out more click here

Helpful Resources

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, here are some supportive services available in Aotearoa:

• Lifeline Aotearoa – 0800 543 354 or text HELP to 4357https://www.lifeline.org.nz

• 1737 – Need to Talk? – Free call or text 1737 for support from a trained counsellorhttps://1737.org.nz

• Depression.org.nz – Great tools and guidance for managing low mood and depressionhttps://depression.org.nz

• The Mental Health Foundation of NZ – Resources and information about mental healthhttps://mentalhealth.org.nz

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